~*Teh Joyah*~ (quietgoodbye) wrote,
~*Teh Joyah*~
quietgoodbye

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This is me bitching about you and probably eventually to you.

This letter is to you. Yes YOU. I hope one day I finally get pissed off enough to send you the link so you can read it and I hope it makes you feel like a complete, utter, nothing like you've done me and another.

Amber,

I call your bluff. You think your life is SOOOOO fucking bad. Suck it up. It's not. Most of the things that happen, you bring on yourself. You lead people on and then string them along. That's not nice, YOU of all people should know not to do that with people's feelings. I guess you forgot what it feels like or maybe you like doing it to others to try to make them feel like you do. Someone tries to be a good fucking friend to you and you walk on them. You ignore them for people you just met and then expect them to understand when you're moody and depressed because these newly found friends have some how ditched you and didn't return your feelings. The only people you want to really have relationships with are the ones who put you down and tell you you're fat and ugly. The ones who want to try to change you and tell you what you can and can't do. Who you can and can't hang out with. Fuck that. If that's what you want, I can start being a controlling, demanding bitch. I'm so fucking tired of hearing you complain about how bad your life is. Is it so bad because you give love and can't get it back? Been there, done that. I have a child with someone who could care fucking less. I'm raising her ALONE. I was abused growing up. I watched my dad abuse my mom. I cut. I done the drugs, I drank. I partied. I had sex with more people than I should have. I fell in love only to have him leave me. I've been with psyhcos, drugs addicts, abusers, and users. I've had more friends leave me while I was pregnant because I WOULDN'T PARTY. I was left by almost everyone! I had like 2 friends left that wanted something to do with me and one of them doesn't even live here. Most guys that tell me I'm pretty live so fucking far that it's not even realistic. I don't have friends to go out with. I have a daughter I have to deal with. You can lose weight, but how about stop complaining about fucking starving yourself. THAT'S YOUR CHOICE. THE CUTTING IS YOUR CHOICE. You can stop either at any fucking given time that you want to. Your life isn't that fucking bad. You have friends to hang out with, you have people that love you. I have my god damn family. That's it. I'm always second and lower to my friends and you know what, you helped to prove that. The only person that comes before my friends is MY DAUGHTER. I wish you'd come live in my life for a fucking DAY and you'd see that what you have isn't that fucking bad. Grow up. Get a life. Stop pitying your damn self. And I have friends that have a life a hell of a lot harder than you or I or anyone else I know. Try living with a disease that you can't control that's going to kill you probably by the time you're 35. You lose control of your body. You have to depend on someone else to take care of you. For your mind to be sharp as hell but have no control over body movement. To know that you're going to die before you're ready. To take care of your mom who's dying from something similiar. To be confined to a fucking wheel chair. To know that at one point you could control your body and such and now can't. Ugh. You make me so fucking sick, Amber. I hope you know you're starting to make me hate you. Yeah I complain sometimes but for the most part I'm fucking happy. Even if my life isn't how I planned it. Grow a set. Thanks. Fuck off.

-Your "best friend"
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